Billie drops her dress to reveal her rump, and flash of her rib cushion, in clip five, and the next clip has more of that body double's dingers as a guy draws on them with a marker. Then it's more of Billie and Beth as they double team a guy, both baring their bangin' bronskis in the process. Clip three allegedly features a body doubles' double whammies, but whomever they belong to, they're awfully nice. Next Billie's looking smoking as she shows her schloobs to a guy while wearing a thong. Acquaint yourself with Billie's bits as she lays topless next to a similarly bare Beth Cordingly as the two babes gab for a bit. Skin has assembled for you a playlist featuring fourteen scenes that find Billie in the buff. The other good news is that Entourage (ITV2) is back.British babe Billie Piper's been steaming up screens at home and abroad with her role on the series Secret Diary of a Call Girl, and Mr. Next week they're off to Manchester, to meet working-class people. It's an unlikely friendship, but they love him. It's something about the way he can kill a rabbit, with just a little tug of the neck. In the end, it's none of the well-meaning permasmilers that they bond with most, but a grumpy old gamekeeper called Ian. And, as the chief says wisely, 'Everyone is drinking and I'm not sure if they know what they are talking about.' Quite right. In the pub, everyone wants to be their best mate, for ever, but the Tannans aren't convinced by this particular institution. But they have a great time in Norfolk, and Norfolk seems to enjoy having them. The Tannans are amused by a vacuum cleaner, and confused by the amount of useless stuff we have in our homes, unimpressed by tables, and upset by artificial insemination at the pig farm where they're staying. It's a smile that says, 'Look, I'm smiling at you, I like you, I'm not racist, and I apologise, for everything. There's lots of forced smiling in the film, the sort of smiling some well-meaning people do when they order in an Indian restaurant. And the locals are standing round the edge, nodding along, clapping. They're doing their traditional dances, butt-naked, sheathed penises pointing proudly skywards. It's like Tribe turned on its head - five guys from Tanna, which is part of Vanuatu, come to England to look at us and make a film. They also believe that Prince Philip is some kind of god. They are from the island of Tanna in the South Pacific, though, and it's amazing what you can get away with if you're from Tanna - wearing nothing but a penis sheath for one, even in a Norfolk village hall. These dudes think women should stay in the kitchen, and not be involved in ANY decisions. To be honest, the sisters should be more upset with Meet the Natives (Channel 4). OK, maybe you guessed: I am in fact Belle de Jour, and the reason I'm down on the show is that I don't like what they've done to my work. It's shallow and a bit silly, more like Hotel Babylon - a bit rubbish. Nor does it have the camp irony of Desperate Housewives. The sex itself is all bouncy bouncy, almost Benny Hill comedy even the leery saddoes who tune in just to see Piper in her underwear will be disappointed. I heard those hallowed words Sex and the City mentioned in connection with The Secret Diary of a Call Girl, but it has none of that programme's wit or sexiness. What she has to work with isn't great, either. I'm Billie Piper's biggest fan, and wept for weeks when she left Doctor Who, but she's too homely for this role.

Frankly, they're more likely to reach for the remote control. Anyway, I still don't think anyone will, after watching this, immediately forget the grim reality of the vast majority of women in prostitution, or hand in their notice at their office jobs and get straight on the game. Certainly, there's nothing believable or convincing here to suggest that they do, but there are probably a few around. I have no idea whether Belle de Jour is real or an elaborate hoax, or whether happy hookers like her actually exist.

'I know you don't believe I enjoy the sex, but I do,' she says, coquettishly, to the camera. Belle is not just on top, she's got the whip in her hand, too - metaphorically and, with one client, literally. The brouhaha, of course, is about whether it glamorises prostitution. This is the dramatisation of the Belle de Jour blog/books with Billie Piper in the title role, in case you've been in solitary.

Secret diary of a call girl scenes